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self-reflection

Down the primrose path…

August 5, 2023 by d20domme

Mommies don’t cry.Mommies don’t cry.Mommies don’t… I couldn’t even finish my own self soothing mantra as I held back tears. I glanced at myself in the visor mirror between watching the busy highway. ‘I’m going to lose my Mommy‘ I kept hearing his voice say on repeat in my head. I knew I would have … [Read more…]

Posted in: Personal Journal Tagged: break-up, choosing, communication, dating, decisions, emotions, heartbroken, life, love, MDlb, MonoPoly, poly, polyamory, polyandry, relationship, self-reflection, The Gardner

It’s a break, not broken

November 22, 2019 by d20domme

I look around the room and wonder… Does anyone in here know what a true break from this all means? It’s an ironic observation as I, myself, stand up on a stage in front of nearly 100 fellow kinksters, ready to speak on a kinky topic. I feel like a fraud whenever this happens (as … [Read more…]

Posted in: Community, Femdom, Personal Journal Tagged: breaktime, FemDom, FMTM, journal, keep calm, personal, self-care, self-reflection, top drop

A sadist & a sensualist walk into a bar…

February 2, 2019 by d20domme

I don’t like jokes like this but I do love to laugh. Despite my best efforts, I am a giggler. It doesn’t matter how intense a scene or my hands-on play gets, I can cackle at whatever reaction I am getting from my partner if it delights me. The louder, more vocal and expressive they … [Read more…]

Posted in: Personal Journal, Relationships, Thoughts Tagged: communication, conscious, cross dress, happiness, love, play, polyamory, self awareness, self-reflection, sensualism, sensualist, sexual touch, tantra, The Gardner

Me. Me. Me?

August 24, 2018 by d20domme

Me. The Mistress. The Femdom wife. The girlfriend. The committed nesting partner. Me. You would think with a slew of labels like that it would really be all about me though wouldn’t it? But today as I made the same, short drive I make at least a dozen times a week from my boyfriend’s house … [Read more…]

Posted in: Thoughts Tagged: 24/7, acceptance, bdsm, challenges, decisions, doubts, emotions, mental health, motivation, perspective, self-care, self-reflection, thinking

Rant: The Disposable Domme™

March 1, 2018 by d20domme

You’re not a good dominant if you don’t have a way to make ends meet.You’re not a good dominant if you’re free loading on friends or family.You’re not a good dominant if you don’t have control of your own life. I know that sounds harsh and comes off as elitist but it’s my honest opinion. … [Read more…]

Posted in: Rants Tagged: bdsm, domination, female domination, FemDom, rant, safety, self awareness, self-reflection, submission, thinking

Only boring people get bored

November 27, 2017 by d20domme

“Only boring people get bored,” my Mom would say to me as a child. I took that to heart as a youngling and made it a philosophy to live by. Anytime I felt ‘bored’ in or by life I found a way to rouse myself out of the funk. This didn’t always end well but it … [Read more…]

Posted in: Personal Journal, Thoughts Tagged: bdsm, female domination, FemDom, ldr, puppy, self-reflection, thinking

I make the rules

June 18, 2015 by d20domme

After my last entry I took some time with the boy to talk about where we were going and where we had been with our kinky interactions for the past couple of years. I expected a certain level of protocol and discipline that I knew he wasn’t delivering and wasn’t entirely sure he was capable … [Read more…]

Posted in: Femdom, Personal Journal Tagged: bdsm, female led relationship, flr, male submission, power exchange, relationships, self-reflection, submission, wlr

Building blocks of trust

June 3, 2013 by d20domme

The boy has asked for more D/s in his life.  I’ve been cautiously giving him a little taste here and there hoping to tide him over until I decide if he’s ready for a full course meal. He has now told me he is hungry and he has a craving.  Externally he can handle nearly … [Read more…]

Posted in: Personal Journal, Relationships Tagged: bdsm, domination, female domination, mental domination, self-reflection, submission, trust

Innocent until proven kinky

January 21, 2011 by d20domme

I’ve often noted that many woman get away with what I deem ‘too much‘, or in actuality ‘not enough‘ at all and men still put up with it! I know countless women who withhold sex until they get their way (usually over something trivial), only perform blowjobs on “special occasions”, shutter at the mere thought … [Read more…]

Posted in: Personal Journal Tagged: .com, acceptance, bdsm, choosing, Craigslist, ideas, questions, repression, self-reflection, thinking, traits, want
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