After my last entry I took some time with the boy to talk about where we were going and where we had been with our kinky interactions for the past couple of years.
I expected a certain level of protocol and discipline that I knew he wasn’t delivering and wasn’t entirely sure he was capable of achieving. It wasn’t necessarily all his fault. In my mind these attributes either came easily or took a lot of work to maintain and we both hadn’t been up to the task. I also had to admit my desires at their core had shifted and the things I once held in such high regard of what I wanted as a Mistress didn’t seem so dire anymore.
What was the solution?
He suggested adjusting things and trying again, putting in more effort, more rules, and stricter protocols. I grew tired at just the thought of increasing the intensity of our intentions. Maybe that was our problem; we were trying to do too much.
After much re-evaluation I decided it was time for a change. But what change would allow me to keep him in his submissive nature and myself calling the shots without a load of stress? I knew just the thing. A Female Led Relationship was more up our alley and fit perfectly into our lifestyle and way of thinking. I was never one for being the mean Mistress, I’ve always felt more comfortable being the Queen of my castle.
What is FLR?
To me it as a relationship where the power dynamic has been reversed leaving the female in charge. The male half of this relationship conforms, obeys, and complies with any desires and needs without objection. In essence he has given her control over most, if not all, of their relationship and the decisions to be made.
She knows best and he knows that.
I explained to Locs what I had in mind and I immediately implemented changes and dropped cumbersome
rules I had been mistakenly holding on to. And for the first time in a year
I felt, dare I say, more like my old kinky self than I had in a while.
In my mind I wanted my sub to act like this, say these
things, and remember those things. When I stopped thinking of him exclusively as submissive I had to train and more like follower of my beliefs something clicked. I began to appreciate and hone in on the areas that I liked about our kinky time and not stress about the things I didn’t.
For us this has come a lot more naturally.
There aren’t a lot of rules, protocols, or expectations since the only rule generally is to follow my lead and instruction. Currently this has taken the form of me deciding what Locs gets to wear, what television shows we watch, what he eats, when he exercises, when chores get done and so forth. I mentally make notes of infractions I find annoying throughout the week like when he forgets a task I’ve given him, when he back talks or gets Sammie, etc and then I punish him each week.
Sometimes he’s lucky enough to be rewarded if he has been particularly good but it’s never guaranteed.
How is this different than us being traditional Mistress and
It’s not very far off as I believe a plethora of D/s play is intertwined. For me it was a mental switch and one that has been reflected more physically that we don’t have “sessions” anymore. We are always in our roles. He doesn’t just put on his collar when we are about to “play” or go to a party, he wears it 24/7 now. On the flip side all of the D/s things we enjoy are still there: spankings, rope, CBT, tease and denial and all the things in between.
The subtleties we express each day are much more magnified and simply put; we are in a state of being instead of doing. It’s hard for me to put such a feeling of contentment into words.
It feels like I have finally put the Mistress back into all things mundane.
cammies on the floor
A great switch in perspectives, it seems. I would also feel overwhelmed by the strictness of intention rather than enjoying the experience.
Newer to your blog. You explain the new direction very well- I hope this is what you and your boy have been needing.
@Cammies: Yes I use to crave that sort of order but I've learned it's not easily sustainable.
@Pearl: Thank you and welcome to the blog! I'm glad I was able to convey my shift. It seems so simple in practice but nuanced in theory.
Welcome to FLR!! Your post looks almost identical to how we do things. It was really tiring to try to be 24/7 always DOING something. I find it much more freeing than the alternatives and yet not far off from the traditional D/s. Have fun.
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