Breaking up in a BDSM power exchange dynamic can be particularly challenging due to the unique emotional, psychological, and structural elements of the relationship. These breakups often feel more difficult for all involved. This is noticeable as part of what makes these relationships so special, is the depths and expansiveness of where they reach. Power … [Tell me more…]
I am be ranting but follow me… Ever since I was a kid, I hated my name. Genuinely distasted being called it. My parents thought it would a great idea to combine their two names (I see you other Black families!). In theory this can work, in practice it usually ends up feeling forced. I … [Tell me more…]
Over the years I’ve pondered some important questions… But my latest one has not stopped niggling in the back of my mind… Am I Queer? But what is ‘Queer’ anyway I’ve thought often. Is it a sexual orientation? A gender identity or expression? A community and culture flair? After years of reading, examining, and listening … [Tell me more…]
Hierarchy. Reading the simple noun alone might elicit a physical and automatic reaction. Did it for you? For some people, the hatred for hierarchy runs deep. Despite that, we see hierarchies play out every day in our vanilla lives. Hierarchies often play a part to determine an individual’s or group’s status, privilege, and access to … [Tell me more…]
A couple of weekends ago, I taught at the popular kinky weekend-long, true, complete hotel takeover, Winter Fire. My marker for the “success” of an event I attend is normally: With those in mind, the event was a total success! I have denied (ignored?) that I have a total Ownership fetish. What’s that mean? To … [Tell me more…]
Topping from the bottom. Bratting from the bottom. Topping from below. Sub-sparring. I’ve heard it called many things. This discussion bores me but I think it’s crucial to identify the flaws within it. In my opinion, this phrase is possibly one of the most misunderstood in the entire BDSM lexicon and a useless phrase that … [Tell me more…]
I know a lot of junkies. Not your typical run of the mill junkies that you might be thinking of. No. I’m talking about the kind that are a seemingly common staple in the kinky and/or polyamory community: NRC addicts. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we’re all here for the endorphins. Each and every one … [Tell me more…]
“Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket, from Mistress d20domme! I spank you warmly on the bottom! Tremendous things are in store for you! Many wonderful surprises await you!“ If you’re American, you are no doubt familiar with the tale of Roald Dahl’s 1964 novel ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory‘. Willy Wonka, the founder of … [Tell me more…]
I recently heard this term in a vanilla setting, made as a passing ‘scoffing’ comment and it really stuck with me. Let me be honest, it struck a chord with my Femdom loins. Why did it excite me? If I had to describe what a psychological vigilante was and why I embody it, that’s easy. … [Tell me more…]