Over the past decade, I’ve witnessed a troubling trend emerging within alternative sexuality spaces: the proliferation of commercial, hotel-based sex parties marketed under the guise of “kink events.” These gatherings, often advertised as “freak nights,” open to anyone gangbangs, pothead play parties, creampie parties, or similarly provocative events. To Me, they represent a fundamental departure … [Tell me more…]
I’m done hosting visitors in My DMs There’s a certain type of traveler I’ve grown weary of hosting, I call them the Kinky Tourist™. You know the kind. They arrive bright-eyed and overpacked with fantasy, ready to “experience” the sights of Dominance, devotion, and discipline, but without the slightest intention of staying long enough to … [Tell me more…]
For years, I thought My need to be in control in BDSM was purely about preference and personality. I have always been strong-willed and not quiet about My feelings (unsurprisingly!). It wasn’t until I started therapy in My early 20’s that I realized how much My childhood shaped this dynamic. Growing up in a emotionally … [Tell me more…]
For years, My work in the BDSM lifestyle has been centered on education, community-building, and radically honest dialogue. I’ve poured My energy into kink events, discussions, workshops, and classes across the globe that help other kinksters explore BDSM in safe, informed, and consensual ways. But now, I’m making the difficult decision to step back from … [Tell me more…]
I want to take this Black History Month to talk about the intersection of dominance, race, and BDSM relationships, which is a profound and deeply personal topic for Me. As a dominant Black woman in alternative relationships with two white cishet presenting male submissives, this 20 year journey has been as rewarding as it has … [Tell me more…]
With nearly 20 years of helping the kink community under My belt, I felt the need to speak up last week. In the first part of My blog into kink volunteerism, I examined the noble intentions behind volunteering and its potential to create positive change in communities. I also broke down the darker side of … [Tell me more…]
At the start of 2024, I set out to tick off 40 items as I turned 40. How many kinky items did I get to? Just ONE. I’m going to ignore all the things My recovering perfectionist of a brain is saying, and simply say I am disappointed. I thought I had a great plan … [Tell me more…]
Breaking up in a BDSM power exchange dynamic can be particularly challenging due to the unique emotional, psychological, and structural elements of the relationship. These breakups often feel more difficult for all involved. This is noticeable as part of what makes these relationships so special, is the depths and expansiveness of where they reach. Power … [Tell me more…]
Navigating BDSM social and, in My case, a professional space often requires interaction with a wide range of people, groups, and organizations. From event hosts, to start-up kinky ventures and community acquaintances to people you may not particularly like, the world is full of diverse personalities. However, the notion that being polite and maintaining a … [Tell me more…]