For years, I thought My need to be in control in BDSM was purely about preference and personality. I have always been strong-willed and not quiet about My feelings (unsurprisingly!). It wasn’t until I started therapy in My early 20’s that I realized how much My childhood shaped this dynamic. Growing up in a emotionally … [Tell me more…]
I share a lot of the positives of My lifestyle but it’s not always an easy lifestyle. Being a Femdom is an exercise in power, control, and the careful orchestration of a dynamic that feeds everyone involved. But let Me be real for a moment—it’s also an exercise in patience. And when you’re a Dominant … [Tell me more…]
At the start of 2024, I set out to tick off 40 items as I turned 40. How many kinky items did I get to? Just ONE. I’m going to ignore all the things My recovering perfectionist of a brain is saying, and simply say I am disappointed. I thought I had a great plan … [Tell me more…]
Breaking up in a BDSM power exchange dynamic can be particularly challenging due to the unique emotional, psychological, and structural elements of the relationship. These breakups often feel more difficult for all involved. This is noticeable as part of what makes these relationships so special, is the depths and expansiveness of where they reach. Power … [Tell me more…]
Navigating BDSM social and, in my case, a professional space often requires interaction with a wide range of people, groups, and organizations. From event hosts, to start-up kinky ventures and community acquaintances to people you may not particularly like, the world is full of diverse personalities. However, the notion that being polite and maintaining a … [Tell me more…]
I am be ranting but follow me… Ever since I was a kid, I hated my name. Genuinely distasted being called it. My parents thought it would a great idea to combine their two names (I see you other Black families!). In theory this can work, in practice it usually ends up feeling forced. I … [Tell me more…]
Over the years I’ve pondered some important questions… But my latest one has not stopped niggling in the back of my mind… Am I Queer? But what is ‘Queer’ anyway I’ve thought often. Is it a sexual orientation? A gender identity or expression? A community and culture flair? After years of reading, examining, and listening … [Tell me more…]
If you don’t know already… I. Love. Service. Submission. When I first stepped into the world of kink, the biggest draw for me aside from sexual growth was the desire to be catered to. The classical imagery of Femdoms with their feet up, a constantly topped up glass in their hand, massages on demand, attentiveness … [Tell me more…]
A couple of weekends ago, I taught at the popular kinky weekend-long, true, complete hotel takeover, Winter Fire. My marker for the “success” of an event I attend is normally: With those in mind, the event was a total success! I have denied (ignored?) that I have a total Ownership fetish. What’s that mean? To … [Tell me more…]