Hierarchy. Reading the simple noun alone might elicit a physical and automatic reaction. Did it for you? For some people, the hatred for hierarchy runs deep. Despite that, we see hierarchies play out every day in our vanilla lives. Hierarchies often play a part to determine an individual’s or group’s status, privilege, and access to … [Tell me more…]
This year I will be double d20s! I entered the kink community nearly 20 years ago as a student and observer and stand now as a kinky lifestyle educator. I still love to chronicle my transition from mundane to the marvelous Mistress I see reflected back in the mirror each day. To say I am … [Tell me more…]
Just like clockwork, every few months for the last decade or so, I’ll receive a message or comment like the one I was confronted with in person recently. It was disgust disguised as concern. I’ve seen it before…. I can’t believe someone like you still uses the word ‘sissy.’ The history of ‘sissy’ When I … [Tell me more…]
“I access my ‘Alpha’ pet side’ when needed during a scene,” I said to the class and their collective eyes widened in surprise. “So as a pet you are a Domme? Like issuing commands and such?” one submissive male asked with hesitation. “Yes depends on how we’re playing. I don’t always use words during that … [Tell me more…]
For some people, it’s flattering to be admired and imitated. Some of the most famous celebrities have their style, copied from one project to the next, and the kinky community is no different. For others like myself, being copied can often feel like identity theft. Just as you reading this, I am a unique person. … [Tell me more…]
For those in the know, I’ve been around. I started my kink journey on the West coast and the community, dedication, and peer pairing I received, even as a wee-little baby Domme were formidable for me. One of the first spaces I was allowed into, although I had no business there at the time, was … [Tell me more…]
Throughout my 15+ years embedded in kinky spaces I have made an observation. There is a distinct overlap between those who identify as neurodiverse and those who are part of the BDSM community. Noticing the patterns of this intersectionality has been even easier, because finally, we as a society, are becoming increasingly aware of neurodiversity, especially … [Tell me more…]
Topping from the bottom. Bratting from the bottom. Topping from below. Sub-sparring. I’ve heard it called many things. This discussion bores me but I think it’s crucial to identify the flaws within it. In my opinion, this phrase is possibly one of the most misunderstood in the entire BDSM lexicon and a useless phrase that … [Tell me more…]
I know a lot of junkies. Not your typical run of the mill junkies that you might be thinking of. No. I’m talking about the kind that are a seemingly common staple in the kinky and/or polyamory community: NRC addicts. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we’re all here for the endorphins. Each and every one … [Tell me more…]