Well, this is my personal decree that I am, as of this year, 100% done playing with newbies in the kink community.
I know that sounds harsh and elitist but, that’s my preference now. Blame stupid boys for being stupid.
After years and years of painstakingly meeting new submissives, coddling cucks, cultivating what appears to be a genuine connection, and going even further out on a limb to give newbies a chance, all roads still seem to lead to disappointment. More than the disappointment is the reality that someone is choosing (for whatever reason) to not fully pursue the lifestyle to their satisfaction.
I used to really enjoy the idea of the novice and a veteran – the classic teacher/student dynamic was never lost on me. I have trained many a boy in the community over the years. Some have switched roles, some found a permanent Mistress, some got a taste and realized they weren’t “kinky”, but the most typical thing to happen is submissives like the idea of submission, but not the act of said submission.
You know exactly what I mean before I even begin…
But, first, what is ‘submission’? It generally means to be under the authority of another. In its simplest form, submission is being controlled by someone else, the very bread and butter of D/s elements. The idea of an act or instance of submitting, or yielding control to a more powerful or authoritative entity, moi, well, let’s be honest…
…it’s fucking hot. *fans self*
Want to fulfill Mistress’s wishes? Share sexual fantasies? Perform specific tasks? Spoil your Mistress with clothes, jewelry, trips? Perhaps you just want to offer your resources, mind, or body to your Mistress? Of course you do, and don’t even think about disobeying or there will be punishments. Chastity, whips, paddles, writing assignments, or extreme bondage can and will be implemented. This is what submission looks like to some dominants. What does it look like for you from your point of view on the floor?
An essential part for those consensually engaging in this dynamic is the power play. Without it, you’re wasting each other’s time. So if you’re a novice submissive, ask yourself these questions before engaging in a power exchange relationship with a Femdom…
Can I listen…carefully?
Don’t talk. One of the first rules of being a good sub is silence. It’s truly golden in this situation. Your Mistress doesn’t care about what you think. I don’t need you to weigh in. Shut your trap and open your ears. The biggest way to turn me off from your brand of ‘submission’ is by talking more than listening. I’m in charge and I said shut up. Refrain from asking unnecessary questions while in the role. You are not the one that should talk about what they think or what they should do. I will speak confidently and expect you to do the opposite. Talk softly and only speak when asked to.
Do I really want to be told what to do and will I do it?
Desire to be controlled. As long as it’s been negotiated, do what you’re told within those parameters. If you don’t enjoy the feeling of not being in control what are you even doing here? Your Mistress wants to take control but first you have to give it up (preferably without too much of a fight). I am willing to take the responsibility, the burden, of the day off your shoulders and place it under my paddle as you willingly kneel beside it. Can you embrace a female authority as such? I can’t think of anything closer to a satisfying orgasm than a submissive kneeling next to the problems he has long forgotten next to my feet.
What’s my attention to detail like?
Little things make big waves. So, yes, you can listen but what did you hear? What did your Mistress’s body language say when she entered the room or gave you a command? Does her drink need a refill? How do her lips look today? Are they pursed or relaxed? And her belt, is it new? I have long said that D/s at its core is a mental game and this is one aspect. If you can’t observe the object of your attention with study, it will show. We all enjoy being made to feel special but in this role, it should come as part of the ‘job’ to make your Mistress feel special. And in turn, I will be able to make you feel the same.
How can I make my Mistress’s life’s easier?
Your skills are her skills. One of the first things you should do before diving into D/s is a a realistic self assessment on what you genuinely have to offer a Mistress. Yeah you might be able to make memes and throw together a TikTok but can you cook an omelet? Do you know how to fold a napkin swan? What about how to change oil in car or what to use to remove a lube stain from a dress? Real skills are prioritized over being an ‘excellent cocksucker’ (which I promise can be taught quickly). Sexy skills, while fun, are very limited in the places they can be utilized. Think about elevating yourself in vanilla ways to meet your match of a kinky Mistress, so when she asks how you can make her life easier, you’ll have a robust list ready for her delight.
Can I check my ego at her door?
Soul’s worst enemy. Egos are shields for empty space. If you want to be submissive, you must be submissive. Wax on, wax off stupid boy. You. Don’t. Make. The. Rules. Your Mistress is there to do that for you. Rules, rituals, commands, demands, and more can help remind you of your place. Accept them humbly. Avoid pointless arguments that won’t lead you anywhere, nurture your subspace and say: “Yes, Mistress” and simply obey. If you want to be a devotee you must first strip yourself of the image you have of yourself and place that in the capable hands of Mistress.
Now, with all that said, will you be perfect in mastering these on your own? Probably not. Just as a Mistress isn’t going to be perfect in her craft without practice, self reflection, and the right partner. But, if you can start the process inwardly and then find the right Mistress you might have an even better chance with her guidance. At the end of the day Mistresses love control (trust me) and if you’re able to really get into that headspace, and trust that you have chosen the right person to give your attention, service, and power to, you both will be happy. I’m not looking for perfection, I just wants to see through actions and words that you are indeed dedicated to the devotion you promised.
TLDR; The rules of engagement are fairly simple – follow orders and obey or be justly punished or demoted to “That one guy who thought he could be my submissive.” The choice is yours, mostly…