A lot of people are curious about my relationship status and how I maintain in general the relationships I am involved in. I’ve found that “MonoPoly” is a new buzz word that’s been making its way around the scene.
After learning a bit more about it I suppose my lifestyle would fit into its category. Currently I am in a MonoPoly relationship (which is not exclusive to BDSM). Meaning I have been fortunate enough to find a partner who understands my desire to include BDSM in my life, even if they do not necessarily share it. Therefore with his complete vanilla-ness and my extracurricular activities, I am openly poly with the people I choose to play with within the BDSM realm and he is mono because he is only is sexual with me.
This is all with his consent as we have agreed on this as a couple. To be fair, he also has the option of obtaining another partner for play or whatever he chooses outside of myself, but that just really isn’t his thing; though sometimes I wish it was.
This lifestyle isn’t for everyone.
There are many issues that are destructing factors including but not limited to: honesty, trust, and boundaries. We spent many a night in the beginning discussing what we were comfortable with but most importantly we agreed to always talk to one another, about everything. Any questions, mixed feelings, thoughts, or fears, we’d keep an open ear and strive to never get angry at one another. So far, these tactics have worked for us.
Each relationship is like a fingerprint in its uniqueness. It needs to be customized to what you and your partner are comfortable with. If you are thinking of becoming Poly I think it’s important to ask yourself these three questions, as your partner will probably be wondering the same:
- Why do you want to become polyamorous?
- What will this improve?
- What could this hinder?
- Will you still be happy if you cannot be in a Poly relationship?
Make sure you have more than a regurgitated answer that you’ve seen somewhere on a forum. Really, ask yourself these questions. This is a entirely different relationship dynamic that could prove to be truly uplifting or horribly home-wrecking for your relationship, not an imaginary one.
There are real emotions and another person involved with your decision and if you can’t answer these questions you probably shouldn’t bring it up with your partner until you can. Once you can answer the questions, know that it might not be an easy road.
But, anything worth having isn’t easy, so if it’s really important to you then be willing to put in the work to make it work. I am lucky that I have found someone so open-minded and accepting who understands this is me.
I am poly.
I am kinky.
I am a Mistress.
And even if we don’t share all the same sexual desires, we do desire each other and that’s what matters most.