In the next week or so I will be returning home and I will be reunited with my fiance and my Mistress. I spent all of last year living with her, thousands of miles from home, being trained and moulded to be the best submissive I could be. The list of training topics we covered were extensive, tricky and taught me more about BDSM, and myself, than I ever thought possible. I am so grateful for the training she gave me, the things she taught me, and the opportunity to live out my dream. Whenever things were tricky, or when I didn’t get what I wanted, I tried to remember that there would be 100 other boys begging to take my place.
Sadly I had to leave her side to come back home. A part from the five visits we have had, our communication, and our kinky life has all had to take place online. We started off online but only for a few months. Then I jumped straight into a 24/7 relationship, and then back to only being able to play online. It hasn’t been easy. Both Mistress and I love kink and love BDSM. It is part of our daily lives, it is part of who we are at our core. I am convinced that even on the morning of our 35th wedding anniversary, I will still be on my knees thanking her. I believe that to serve her, please her, love and worship her is my purpose and I’m so incredibly excited to get back to that.
“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.”-Muhammad Ali
I can’t deny though; I am nervous. I feel like Muhammad Ali before he made his return to the ring after a 3 year absence. He was the undisputed heavyweight champion, took a forced hiatus and then lost to Frazier after 15 grueling rounds.
I’m worried that I may not live up to the standards I set when I was there before. I admittedly have forgot some of the training, some of the rules and some of the small things that made me stand apart from all the other boys who have ever tried to serve my Mistress.
Maybe it will just be like riding a bike? Maybe I will slip so easily back into my natural role, that it’ll be just like the day I first left—just with less tears, from Mistress anyway. In the past few days and weeks I have been re-reading old training documents and journals I wrote for her. Our lives are so different to when we first meet. We have helped each other grow as people, and look at the world differently, but I believe our dynamic has never changed. Not from the first day we met. I am her puppy and her property.
While there may be some re-programming that I will have to undergo, and re-familiarizing of protocols, but I am confident things will return to as they were. Our dynamic has never felt forced, it’s never been a role play or a game, it’s just been very natural for us. Before we met we each had dreamed of finding someone to help us fulfill all our kinky fantasies and in each other we have found that. It just so happened that we also fell in love, never wanting to part ways.
I am nervous. I am anxious. I am rusty and jumping from online, straight back into a 24/7, larger polycule, ultra kinky relationship that will involve pain, insolation, sissification, humiliation and whatever else Mistress can dream up, is a little daunting. However it also is truly exciting. I know that with Mistress at my side I am capable of anything. I also know that her standards are the highest, and any sloppiness or slipping of those standards will be dealt with swiftly for correction.
And let’s not forget, if Ali could come back from his loss and beat Joe Frazier twice, to defend his heavyweight title a record 11 times, I think I can remember how to please my future femdom wife.