It’s only been 3 days since I last wrote but it feels like I have been missing very important therapy sessions. Writing in general has always calmed me, helped me make sense of otherwise messy thoughts, and just downright feels and sounds good. I also like the sound of keys clacking immensely.
But what could have happened in a mere 3 days?
Well in such a short time my slave and I have gone from near perfect harmony to…well…inharmonious. We have hit a few bumps in the road: orgasm denial, an additional slave, my bad communication, his bad assumptions.
The orgasm denial debacle started two weeks ago, when I gave my slave a masturbation regime. He was following it brilliantly, but then I changed it up (add bad communication) and he didn’t follow thru (and a dash of his bad assumptions). Since then it has been an awful cat and mouse game between the two of us with our orgasms and “saving” them for each other.
Which apparently got fucked up today when I brought myself to orgasm twice without him.
The additional slave thing is not really an issue as so much a passing thought. I originally got a slave so that I could treat it like a slave. Unfortunately I have grown very fond of my slave (remember his disarming smile and bright eyes I mentioned before?) and it has become increasingly difficult for me to exhibit some of the actions that I am into or want to try.
Namely: face slapping, spitting in ones mouth, walking on/trampling, shoe worship, hair pulling, choking, complete objectification, body modification
Now I know this list seems but that’s the point! To push your limits and find new boundaries. It just seems with my current slave I am unable to execute these for various reasons. We even got into our first argument about the issue the other night and it was not pretty.
I found an excellent candidate for a second slave, or at least to train for a bit. He is into all of these things. We’ll call him slave 2. The tantalizing beauty of integrating him into my life is that he nearly has no limits, let me say that again….he has very very few limits. He has the obvious ones such as no children, animals, anything illegal, nothing with men, etc. But beyond that he is a clean and open slate.
It’s like giving a kid the key to the candy store or in this case…
Giving a Mistress the key to the sex shop is
I was hoping that by practicing these things on slave 2, I would in turn become more comfortable with implementing them into my current slave and mine routine. But he’s really adamant against another slave. Even though he goes back and forth between reminding me he’d be upset and telling me to do whatever makes me happy…
I have promised that I will not train another slave, especially one of this nature, but I cannot deny that it is something that I seek to experiment with. The yearning for that will not die down easily.
Perhaps there is a middle ground to be struck….or maybe I just really do want too much?