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  1. Paul

    All of what you say is very true ! There is a great struggle in the lifestyle with much of what you say . I am over 50 years old and have been practicing this lifestyle with the same woman for over twenty years exclusively! I personally think a lot of the problems come from the very things we do , and why we do them . We have had many, many ups and downs over the years and personal struggles.

    I Honestly believe , that in some cases we do the wrong things for the right reason , and this leads to failure in the end. It’s because we don’t realize that by doing what we are doing , we are destined to fail in the long run , because of the mental path we are taking without realizing it .

    I will give what may seem like a strange example. Often people get a new puppy , with all the thoughts of the wonderful dog it will become . How it will become the perfect dog for them and they will train it to be exactly what they want . Only to surrender it perhaps a year later to a shelter , because it is impossible , and they feel they have tried everything, and the failure falls solely on the dog .

    For example, they now have a full grown dog , that jumps on everyone , knocks people down and is out of control ! They tell themselves the dog is to blame and that they have done all they can and that they are sure the next dog will be better ! They will find success with a better , smarter different dog .

    Now , if we look back at our actions ! At how we contributed to the dynamics and what we may have done different , there is real growth and insight ! We may actually see, that when the puppy was little every time when he met people , because he did not know better , he jumped up excited to meet new people , and in those moments he was rewarded ( with the best of intentions ! ) with affection !

    It was cute to have this little thing jumping on us for attention, and without ever realizing it , we here mentally conditioning him , that affection and attention was gained by jumping up on people . This was reinforced hundreds of times when he was little , because in the moment it is so cute . Only to become something that would later become the very reason to get rid of him.

    I know this is a little on the simplistic side , but it is my hope that both , Domme and sub can gain some insight into self reflection and looking to see how there attitude , or action may be leading to their failure time and again . This is the single most difficult things I see time and again in the femdom lifestyle!

    Both sides , with the best of intentions doing things that can only lead to failure, or drifting apart . It’s not that any particular activity is wrong , or must be avoided . It is just there is almost nothing out there that will help ….YOU!!!…. Domme , or submissive reflect on your actions and find a healthier path to better success.

    The complaints from both sides never change . All of what you say is true from the Domme perspective, and is commonly reflected by so many Domme. While submissive’s complain they can’t find a Domme that gets them .

    It’s comes down to two things , in the beginning we ( Domme &Submissive ) give more of ourselves, only to later give less! We do not put the same effort and work into the dynamics, and justify this in our own minds for our own reasons . While at the same time expecting even better results !

    Combined with the fact that often with the very best of intentions, both sides by their very actions and attitude reflect my puppy example . It maybe a sub who conditions his mind over time to need and crave greater intensity , thus pushing his Domme to practice greater intensity to get the same results , then finds his Domme feeling used and unappreciated, as a result !

    While she struggles to understand why she can’t get more with less effort after so much time and conditioning! I think that the truth is that it’s simply that we don’t put the same effort after time on both sides , as we get more comfortable in the relationship and take things for granted to some degree .

    That said , I feel that a lot of the things we do, do have a large element of my puppy example. If you beat a submissive to get greater submission, he will give you greater submission, however over time the submissive will have no choice , but to develop a greater mental need for this intensity as a result of the having to submit to those beating . The end result will be a submissive that finds greater submission without more physical intensity more and more difficult!

    Thus you will find yourself having to administer those beating and often, over time frustrated by this fact ! If I could share one lesson! One cardinal rule ! What ever you do , what ever floats your boat , ensure that when you do these very actions , that there is strictly only positive energy in the room, and that you are developing a good mindset to get the real results you want over time .

    That you take a hard look at what your are really conditioning the Domme or submissively towards over time ! The truth is it’s much harder in a full time or monogamous relationship, where there must be a healthy balance in your vanilla life and D/S lifestyle!

    Hope this causes all to reflect, and find their own answers that will bring them greater happiness!

    Thank you .

    The puppy analysis, reflects

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