If you don’t know already…
I. Love. Service. Submission.
When I first stepped into the world of kink, the biggest draw for me aside from sexual growth was the desire to be catered to. The classical imagery of Femdoms with their feet up, a constantly topped up glass in their hand, massages on demand, attentiveness expressed in nuanced yet ever present ways. This is the Femdom lifestyle I set out to build over 10-years ago.
Skills for my submissives
As my needs as a Dominant change throughout my time in D/s, I adjust sought after skills. For now, these are the ones that seem more prevalent to me. I’d like to feel they have truly integrated the skillset and want to see they can perform these to a set standard consistently. My personal list of services I seek for them (or a future submissive!) to seriously become proficient in are as follows:
- Massage and/or Reflexology – This is to keep me flexible for play and reduce pain with my back injury
- Organization – I hate mess, clutter, and disorganization. This is a personally BIG hurdle for my clutterslut submissives.
- Pet care – Feeding, brushing, cleaning up after them
- Femme care – I would love for my subs to be able to assist with nail and hygiene upkeep using specific oils, creams, etc.
- Cooking & Baking – Currently I do 90% of the meal cooking. This needs to change ASAP.
- Gardening & Floriculture – Flowers, fruits, vegetables, herbs, all grown in the backyard? Yes, please!
- Household chores – They split these currently and handle about 75% of all chores.
- Household repairs – Currently myself and my vanilla partner handle ALL household repairs
- Tea service – One is currently trained in English style tea. The other will be trained in Japanese style tea service.
Over the years I’ve gone back and forth on trying to identify if I am asking “too much” from those who serve me. But as I constantly offset the imbalance from my neurodivergent partners, it can feel like a tedious uphill battle. I teach them, they learn it, they perform it. However, often due to their own way of thinking, it must be taught several more times in depth – about 4 to 9 months. It remains on that schedule until I find I no longer need to gently remind them how to do something that months ago was more automatic. It gets reintegrated through carefully monitored repetition.
As I said, it can be a little forestalling. I’ve played with all kinds of submissives, service and otherwise – but the submissives currently under my care have a way of thinking that I didn’t encounter on a regular basis until I met them.
The burden of femininity
Psst…I possess the ability to do all of the above skills with the exception of gardening, so this seems like a fair request.
The perception that women know more about taking care of a household than men is a stereotype. It is perpetuated by traditional gender roles and societal expectations. Historically, women are often assigned the primary responsibility for domestic tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and childcare. While men are encouraged to focus on work and providing for the family financially.
From a young age, girls are often socialized to learn domestic skills and responsibilities. While boys may be encouraged to pursue other interests. My upbringing was similar but deviated slightly in that my Dad “didn’t want me to rely on a man for anything”. Thus I was taught “boy stuff” as well. Car repair, building maintenance, electronic tinkering, proper tool usage as well as basic home repairs for all rooms, etc. were all thoroughly taught to me and tested for comprehension!
Cultural norms and expectations in the past may have dictated that women should be primarily responsible for the home and family. BUT IT’S 2024! Gender roles and expectations are evolving. I need men (my boys included) to step their skills up and stop riding the limp dick of weaponized incompetence.
Making service submission “fun”
In an ideal D/s world, the boys would serve because it warms their little service hearts. The end.
In reality however, they do it for a few reasons: expectations, fear of punishment, fear of disappointing, personal fulfillment, agreements, desire to please, and more.
With our reward based dynamic – they do good things for/to me, the may receive good things for/to them. I am creating badges they can earn as well and this seems like the key to leveling up their skills. As to not overwhelm them, and drive myself crazy I have assigned each of them two skills to focus on leveling up.
Like anyone looking to skill-build this is going to mean they will need to be mindful of my AAA Submissive Service™ checklist:
Adaptability: Be flexible and adaptable in their service role. Be willing to adjust to changing circumstances, unexpected requests, or new tasks that may arise. This is key to maintaining harmony and balance in the dynamic.
Anticipation: Use their ability to anticipate my needs and desires before they are expressed. This requires attentiveness, observation, and a deep understanding of preferences and routines.
Attention to Detail: Pay attention to detail and strive for excellence in all tasks and duties performed for me. They should take pride in their work and ensure that every task is completed to the best of their ability.
I am a person who wants to see my own continuous improvement reflected back from my submissives. Striving for continuous improvement and growth is a superb way to increase your usefulness. It can expand your self worth as a service submissive. I know it has done wonders for my dominance. I’m always happy to offer constructive feedback from them, discuss their experiences, and identify areas for development to refine their roles. First though, they need to be open to learning new skills and techniques that enhance their ability to serve and please me. Maybe they aren’t service submissives but only time, trial and error will tell.
More than a faint desire
Ultimately, the skills of a service submissive revolve around attentiveness, communication, adaptability, respect, and a genuine desire to please and serve their Dominant partner. This will look different for each dynamic and how it is willed.
At the end of the day, I view service submission as an expression of gratitude. It is an appreciation for the opportunity to serve me as their Dominant. They show appreciation for my guidance, support, and leadership, and acknowledge the privilege of being entrusted with the role of a service submissive through doing it well. By cultivating these skills and qualities, a service submissive can contribute to a fulfilling and harmonious BDSM dynamic built on mutual trust, respect, and satisfaction.